Thursday, January 31, 2013

Bugging me.

There're couple of things that I think I have but I just hardly admit that but as time passes by I kinda have to admit that. I am gonna post it in an uninteresting manner because only those who are interested to know about me will make an effort to read this and spend the time to really know me. I tell people how mengada I can be and stuffs like that ; it's not because of I am seeking of attention. I am just being me to be honest and there's part of my heart saying that I am testing people around me. Somehow I am really afraid to admit about how I feel because back then when I did people would leave and they never really stay and they pretend that nothing happened and they treated me like a complete stranger. So when I told them I am so mengada, I can be it but I don't be the mengada one to every one because I know people will get sick of it and if I did towards you, I just think that you're one of the persons that I could be attached to. I should have been sleeping by now but this thought just bugs me out of sudden and I really feel like crying. Well another thing. I hardly merajuk or feel jealous and that's not because of I don't care, well I do. If you operate my heart and see what's inside of it you will know how much do I care even about little things that's why I hardly forget things I shouldn't remember. If you can read my mind, you will definitely cry because I think about so many things but I just don't want people to know about it because when I care so much and people tend to disregard me, take advantage upon me and use me for their own benefits. Well this is more to like me being paranoid, indeed. Not everyone will treat me like that and as a matter of fact, in a circle of friends *family is exceptional* I know that there're people who sincerely care about me. And I know there's someone that treats me like a princess and really loves me and can accept me just the way I am but all I want is for you to stay and never leave me. Because I am tired of hearing promises and hopes and people leave me like that. I am tired of liking someone that never appreciates me and so now I am leaving it like that. Guess I really hope that this will be the one that stays forever because to be honest, I have never felt much more appreciated than how I feel today. Guess I am the lucky girl here. People come and go and people gonna come some more, they pick a fight but it's alright. And for some solid reasons, I hardly show how much do I appreciate someone or I care or love because it happens to me all the time when I do, people decide to not stay. I don't know where I did wrong but it seems like they never care. So if I hope you can be the only exception, well I hope you really prove me that. Maybe I hardly say this, but hey thank you so much, for everything. And indeed I am sorry for not being good enough. As a friend, I think high school really taught me a lot but when I left the buildings, things change. Seriously, I spend my time  with the persons I hardly talk to at school  than the persons I always talked to at school. Which I don't really understand why. Maybe I am the one that is wrong here or I am the one that has been treating people not in an equal manner but I am comfortable this way. Maybe, I don't know. Somehow I feel like people judge me and have these bad perceptions towards me, but I don't mind seriously, because that won't make them any better. Am I right or am I right? Because now people are acting like they can tell me what to do but you people are wrong. I am Aliah Syahmina and I tell you who I am. This is like the mixed feelings that I have that I don't care whether you think it doesn't matter or it does because my blog is my right and this is how I feel. Good night.

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